I fought bravely, I cried and burned in rage, I accepted and surrendered, then fought again. I runned and I chased. Reproached, denied and begged. I hurt myself in many different ways and threatened with my death. I tried to laugh at my loss but in the end I could only weep. I tried to run from my past and not to look in the future but woke up surrounded by the fragments of agonizing memories and pricking fears of tomorrow. I woke up so tired and sick. But nothing has changed.
When you truly love someone, you kill your ego. It feels like killing yourself at first. But this is the sacrifice you must bring. For your beloved ones to be happy.
You let go everything that made you feel good and calm and happy and satisfied. You embrace the shivers of pain, grief and fears that run through your body and mind. You demand for more! Because you cannot kill your ego without it. When you've lost there's no fear of losing anymore. I'm not sure that happiness may come back but there will be peace (if my ego can be killed at all. I don't know how strong he is but I suspect that he may be stronger than I am).
There are strong, weak and dull people. Strong are often mistaken with dull. Subtle and emotionally rich are often mistaken with weak. Dull is the worst, because a weak person can be made stronger. You can break a weak heart, you can break a strong heart but you cannot break the indifferent one.
All my life I analyzed everything and chased for deepness and complexity and collected thoughts and memories lying to myself that everything is eternal. I tried not to think that these memories will bring me so much pain and nostalgia when the lightning of mortality strucks my illusionary castles and sanctuaries. I led such a beautiful, colourful and fabulous life full of dreams and wonders, secrets and insanely unbelievable hopes. I mean, sooner or later everyone meets reality. And it's so much easier when you've lived in reality not in fantasies. Always be ready (or learn to be ready) to say goodbye, because that's the life -- it's full of goodbyes.
Between The Lines